Dear Debbie:

My daughter is 19 years old and about 2 months pregnant.  She wants to keep the baby.  She is supposed to go to Wayne State University this fall but now with a baby due in August, it’s doubtful she will go.

She has a boyfriend who is also 19 who says even though he wasn’t wanting to be a father now, he would take responsibility and support her decision and would be there for her regardless of what she decides.

She is going to ruin her young life and I want her to have an abortion but she refuses.  I have tried to reason with her no no avail.  She won’t listen to me.  We are running out of time because most clinics have a cut off date for abortion.  If we wait to long, they won’t do it.

I don’t want to be a grandmother at 40 and nor do I want to see her ruin her life.  She has so much potential to succeed in her life but if she has this baby, her life and education will be ruined. I need to convince her to abort.  Her boyfriend says he won’t help me either so I have to go it alone.

Can you help me out.  What can I say to her to make a difference now?

Sue

Dear Sue,

I nearly had to pick my jaw up off the floor when I read your email! 

What you need to say to “make a difference” is “I love you.  And I’m here for you” How about you try that for starters??

Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, it’s entirely up to you however this is NOT your choice to make.  Your 19 year old daughter is the one who needs to make the decision and  NOT you so back off! 

If you can’t be supportive and let her make her own decision, then send her to a medical professional who can educate her on the choices she has, whether that be to keep her child, abort her child or give her child up for adoption.

Pressuring her to do something she may not want to do will only do damage to her physiologically in the future.  She has to feel comfortable with the decision SHE makes and not the decision YOU make for her.

If she chooses to have her baby, who’s to say she can’t continue her education? Many woman have gone back to school after having children. It may very well be harder but it is not impossible. 

I can’t stress enough the importance of your support in allowing her to make an educated decision.  Allow her to talk about it with you, with people she is close to or medical professionals so that she can make that decision without pressure. Support her and love her but for goodness sake stop putting pressure on her!

You could learn a thing or two from her boyfriend.  He is allowing her to make a decision without pressuring her one way or another.  He loves her and supports her and will be there regardless of what she does or doesn’t do.

Regardless of what she decides in the end, she needs your love and support. How about you take a lesson from him and do the same?

If you have a question for Debbie, email her at debbie@todayswindsor.com